It’s official. Today I moved in, mentally.
I’m finally in Seoul and I’m here to stay.
In this apartment.
I said I would give myself until the end of October, and if no one claimed my apartment I would stay. I left it up to the universe and the universe decided this is the place for me.
My friend K sent me a quote this week that sums up how I feel about the move:
“My heart is at ease knowing that what is meant for me will never pass me by, and what passes me by was never meant for me.”
I feel consolation in my decision to stay knowing that apparently moving wasn’t in my cards, since it passed me by.
I now have a new analysis of the situation.
- I was afraid. I freaked out when I moved in, afraid of how I was going to pay for the second half of my year. I got scared that I couldn’t learn to fly. So I immediately tried to take control of the situation and give myself a safety blanket, i.e. a cheaper apartment.
- There’s a part of me that really likes to be secure. There’s this voice in my head that always is trying to make sure I’m better safe than sorry. That’s the part that always takes an extra sweater with me so I won’t get cold, or buys extra bottles of soap so I won’t run out. That’s the part of me that was really thrilled when I secured a storage unit in anticipation of my move. The storage unit was my insurance. I like to have insurance.
- I really needed to be in limbo for a while. I needed those 2 months where I was unsettled and couldn’t go anywhere, in order to process. I needed the time and space to just sit and breath and grieve all the transitions happening in my life.
- I needed time to adjust. Just like a frog sitting in a pot of water slowly warming up. I needed time to warm up to my apartment before I could appreciate it. Now that I’m used to the temperature, I’m not gonna try to jump out again.
I’m finally fully here, in mind, body, and spirit, and I’m excited to start settling in. I’m still off work for the rest of this month, but that doesn’t mean I’m not working. No Nonsense November starts today, as I crack down on some preparation for grad school and job applications.
Here’s to jumping off the cliff and learning to fly!