Adulting Affirmations

I finally signed up for health insurance.

I’d been putting it off until after I moved, so I could list my new address. But since the move is still up in the air, I decided to stop putting it off, since I can always change the address later if the move ends up happening.

Turns out I had to pay for the month of September and October, even though I didn’t sign up until now. I guess I’m required to have continuous coverage from when my insurance ended with my last job.

Anyway the cost isn’t so bad. It’s about 96,000 won/ month. I pay one month in advance, every month on the 25th. They pull the money directly from my bank account, so I don’t even have to worry about forgetting to pay my bill.

As I was walking over to the health insurance office, my knee started hurting. I guess it’s good that I signed up when I did so I can go back to the acupuncture doctor soon.

For some reason when I was done signing up, I didn’t feel any better. I had this unexplainable urge to go buy something to “reward” myself. I thought I should treat myself to a subway sandwich or a chai tea latte for completing this adulting milestone. I guess I have this need for affirmation for accomplishing things, even from myself. I wanted myself to pat myself on the back and say good job, because there was no one else around to do it.

The question is- do I really need to have that “reward” and “affirmation” at all? Or is it enough to just complete the task on its own?

I’d sorta given up eating out this month as a side effect of cooking so much, so I didn’t really want to buy anything from a restaurant or coffee shop.¬†Instead I bought some almonds and sat in the park eating them, trying to figure out why I was feeling the way I was. Perhaps my feelings had nothing to do with the actual act of getting the insurance. I just happened to notice them after I had completed that action and correlated the two together.

As I sat in the park I started to have another shame attack. I forced myself to get up and exercise on the free exercise equipment that is everywhere in Korea.

I love that free exercise equipment. I just love the fact that it’s everywhere. And not only is it everywhere, but people actually use it regularly. I see old halabogis, ajumas, and men in suits, even little kids using the equipment.

I knew I had to just force the energy up before I got overwhelmed with my feelings. So I just mindlessly started to swing my legs back and forth on the free elliptical. Eventually I could feel the tears begin to reside.

I did end up treating myself to a loaf of bread and an Annie’s pretzel later in the day. That pretzel was gone in five seconds. But it was oh so delicious.

Self Portrait

Swinging back and forth


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